Has someone ever apologized to you in a way that made you feel worse? You know the one — “I’m sorry you feel that what I did…” I hate those non-apologies.

When issues are brought up, instead of apologizing for the hurt and changing the behavior that was pointed out, the offender puts the burden of the apology upon the person who brought it up.

I will go into semantics here: “I’m sorry for my actions” is different from “I’m sorry that you felt my actions were ______” — one puts the burden of apology on the apologizer’s shoulders and the other shunts blame onto the person you are apologizing to. 

“I’m sorry that you felt my actions were ______” is not a true apology. And sometimes this nuance is lost on folks. It’s natural to be defensive because the action was not meant to be offensive and you don’t want to be seen as a bad person. But here’s the thing— seeing the incident as coloring your whole person and then defending yourself is not the correct action.

You are entitled to your opinions and reaction, but often times the reaction seems to be on the side of ignoring what the other party said and continuing to do the action the same way. The inability to see how your actions may have hurt others and the refusal to change or adapt your approach to make less pain for others is the real problem.

I’ve done this and then felt bad about how I said things as apologies. Sometimes I am able to re-do the apology by saying, “that came out wrong.” But many times, the person is so hurt by my failure to take responsibility, that it’s the end of a friendship or working relationship.

This came up because I was cleaning out files and found some conversations and documents from an incident that happened a few years ago.

A member of an organization I was a member of, decided that my bookkeeping should be audited because when I took over treasurer duties, I corrected the way the books were done. Previous treasurers who had no training or experience with bookkeeping software, were keeping the records from the date of the board meeting to the day of the next meeting.

I had two previous jobs where I was allowed budgets for payroll and book repair. I had to track expenditures and file reports. I was also treasurer for a social organization. In all these situations, I kept meticulous records.

So the first thing I did when I became Treasurer for the other organization was to go through the software and set up the account from the first of the month to that last day. One of the members set up an audit with an accounting firm. The organization paid the bill, but the member was not happy that the accountant only recommended that the utilities be separated out for better tracking.

That’s where the “apology” came in. The person pulled a similar apology for something they did at a different time and as far as I know, they are no longer a member of the organization.

I keep losing track of time. I guess it’s an old person thing. How horrifying. I get lost in something and suddenly, I’m going to be late, or I already missed something. Or I woke up early and then fall back to sleep and have to rush to get wherever I need to be.

For instance, I started this a couple of days ago. And didn’t get farther than the first paragraph. The youngest grandchild is having a costume birthday party. I might just wrap myself in a white tablecloth and go as the goddess Hera or Clytemnestra. If I told people I was going to be Penelope, they’d expect me to be a tortie cat. Greek classical references there!

Much, much later… I went to the party as Marge Simpson. My granddaughter made her own Garfield costume. The party was held in her mom’s vacant rental which is in the process of being rehabbed. The floors were done and the walls painted on the ground floor. I didn’t look to see what work was done, or not done, upstairs. Not my business.

I decided the maker space needs to have an art show. I’ve taken the lead on this event, because we have a really perky person setting up a sale event for September and she’s making me crazy with her “hyperness”. I doubt if she has any diagnosed problem, but she’s so darned excited about this event, it’s like being trapped in a squirrel circus. I’ve spent time with more laid-back two-year olds at the DreamPark.

The Boomerang Child is causing me mental problems. I’m ready to kick his ass to the curb, but that would still leave his stuff in my garage and upstairs that I would have to deal with. I don’t understand. The last thing I ever wanted was to move back into my parent’s house. I did it when I was getting divorced and it was horrible. Fortunately, all my stuff was in storage in Wisconsin, so it was no problem returning to the city I called home.

My house is not big enough for two people, even though I was told by an elderly neighbor that six males were raised in the house. My mind boggles at the thought.

So that’s my check-in for now. Peace and long life.

I had an appointment at the fall clinic yesterday. I spent 3 hours being evaluated. I’m cognitively okay. Certain tests for balance were iffy but I did not fall down. The hardest test was heel to toe – didn’t do that well. I lacked stability with my feet in a single line.

The problem with that test was the fact that since my knees have lost so much cartilage, I’ve become knock-kneed. It was hard to put my feet together when my legs are so crooked. Also, I’m only balanced on the first two toes on each foot due to poorly fitting shoes when I was growing up. Apparently, The Crazy Lady AKA Mommy Dearest thought she could stop my feet from growing if I wore too small shoes.

I have some recommendations for ugly old lady shoes. I need to use my cane more, walk slower, and not look around so much. I need to change from bifocals to single vision and reading glasses, although I haven’t noticed any distortion looking downward through the lenses. I just got new glasses, so .i din’t think I’ll change anything yet.

That was a fun afternoon. After my appointment, since I was less than a mile away, I stopped at Costco for a chicken, 2 cases of my energy drinks, some fizzy water, and new pillows. That was $100 gone quickly. When I left Costco, it was snowing and got worse as I was driving home.

Traffic was moving at a reasonable pace so it took longer to get home. I didn’t see any spin-offs, so everyone was on their best driving behavior. I got home safely and let all the worriers know I was okay.

I’ll be finishing up the book later today, but first I need to run the snowblower,

Not a lot, but enough to shovel. It took me an hour and a half to shovel 103 feet of driveway, 10 feet across. The snow was only 3 inches deep except at the end of the driveway where the plow dumped an additional 3 inches of depth across the end and about 4 feet in from the street.

I just took my time. I could have used the snow blower, but I usually don’t for that little bit of snow. Since I am a year older, I didn’t rush. Besides, I have a series of evaluations at the Geriatrics Clinic tomorrow. At least three, possibly four; I didn’t want to strain myself. They’ll probably have some words about me shoveling when I’m a fall risk. Big deal.

I fall because my knees occasionally give way and then I can’t stop myself from falling. The other reason is sometimes my brain glitches particularly when I shift my eyes to the side, and I lose my balance and fall. Sucks to be old. I didn’t strain anything shoveling, but I’m certain they’ll come up with strategies I need to prevent falling.

The best strategy would be new knees, but I suppose at my advanced age, there’s all sorts of risks. A new left hip wouldn’t hurt either. Actually, it would hurt and probably more than it does now. I had to do blood work and my red blood cell count seemed to be high – whatever that means. It will all be explained.

I’m not going to worry. I have a good 20 years left at least. I’m almost done with the book I’ve been working on. I just need to tip in the text block after I foil the cover, put the book in the press for its final shaping, and let the person know she can pick it up.

“Time seems to speed up as we get older because each year we live is a smaller percentage of the total amount of time we have been alive. This theory has been named proportional theory.” – found on Fact Republic

Yep. Days are getting shorter and it’s not because it’s winter outside. It’s more like time is speeding up for me. Not that I’m moving faster or doing more. No. I’m running out of time. I’ll plan to do something, but by the time I’m ready, I’m already late.

I want to go back to before time started running out, because eventually, time will speed up to point where I’m no more. I want an infinite loop. The only problem with that is I will still be the idiot I am, just infinitely. Maybe it’s already happened. What a thought. If you’ve seen this post in a previous lifetime, let me know.