Total depression- the kind that makes you want to just give up. But I didn’t. I got help, but it took a long time. Things are looking up and I’m getting more involved. I’ve spent too much time not doing anything except hiding between book covers. Books aren’t demanding. They don’t ask to borrow money and not pay you back on payday. They don’t call and then proceed to tell how their life is sucky and not ask how I’m doing. They don’t make you feel unloved and useless. And it’s better to read a book than to try to eat the pain away. Been there, didn’t work. Weighed 200 pounds. Not any more.

I’m holding the line here. I have a long way to go. I’ve started by getting my surroundings in order – getting the house presentable, clearing weeds and invasive plants from what used to be my garden. I’ve got a few tomato and pepper plants in pots. Pots of flowers are on the front steps. I’ve mowed a few times. Everything looks good from the street.

I’ve showered more. I’m certain people who encounter me appreciate that. I’ve been eating more fresh stuff instead of frozen pizza. I wore myself out doing a screen printing project for the makerspace I belong to – 120 aprons and 90 tote bags as gifts for our members. Tough work to do alone in a week, but it was a last minute decision and everyone else works during the day.

After all that, I did a “State of the Union” type presentation to the membership. It went well in spite of a few technical difficulties and interruptions. One of our founders doesn’t quite understand that we know who she is and she doesn’t really need to remind us of the fact whenever she is present by interrupting.

I’ve fallen six times in the last month. No injuries to speak of, but a bit concerning. I’m being sent to the Geriatric Fall Clinic. Apparently, I now fall – see what I did here- into the Geriatric category. I didn’t notice. But now when I look, I can see that some old woman managed to swap bodies with me – gave me this wrinkly and painful one. This old body seems to fall down too much. I want my other one back.

That’s probably all the update you can take for now, so I’ll end here. As a friend used to say, “Rest and be kind.”

In a black hole of depression, that’s where. After “The Road Trip From (To) Hell”, I just kept getting more and more stressed. When that happens, I shut down. To add frosting to the crap cake my life became, my son moved in with me because he quit his job – the tavern he worked at closed its doors a month later – and lost his apartment (included with his job) and wound up, after a bitter battle with his daughter’s mother with whom he had been staying, homeless.

He did find a new job, but his start date kept getting pushed back and of course with no income, he needed to borrow (read – be gifted) money just until he started. He did eventually start his job. He was driving my old car to and from work. He offered $200 for it and then promptly traded it in for a car he can’t afford. His justification was he quit smoking and that the $300 a month he was spending on cigarettes would fund the car payments. Lies.

At least he likes this job. No more cooking. He has benefits! He’s never before had health insurance, and dental insurance, and sick leave, and vacation! Wow! Other than having a Covid scare, he hasn’t missed work or called in hungover. Even better, he’s not living with me.

I thought I was holding it together fairly well, until I totally lost my cool while giving a tour to strangers and potential members of the maker space I belong to. I then decided to take some alone time and not interact with too many people. So far it’s been working. I’m better. I got my sleep re-regulated so I now get longer unbroken hours of sleep. I’m not spending my days dozing on the couch.

Hopefully, I will post more regularly. I’m sorry for having gotten your hopes up last summer when I said I would post more regularly. Thank you for your patience.